How Is Technology Affecting Relationships

A funny cartoon appeared on Facebook recently, and it really summed up the recent trends in how relationships are managed today.  A man is screaming apoplectically at his girlfriend or wife with his mobile phone in his hand: He: “What’s going on? No email, no voicemail, no Facebook update, it’s like you dropped off the face of the earth!”  She: “Did you check Twitter?”  The twitter message was, of necessity, short and to the point: “Upstairs in bathroom. Be back in 5.”

How real is this?  Frighteningly, such a scenario is not too far from reality.  Because of all of the various ways we have to keep in touch with each other, including the social media, we feel that we are obliged to do so constantly.  We have all seen the woman who jumps on the cell phone as soon as she jumps in her car.  She is probably having a conversation with her significant other, whom she just left.  Where is all that “space” that we all used to fight for so strongly in our relationships in the past?

Gone, it seems.  Anyone with a controlling spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend has now given that partner complete control over their comings and goings.  Is this a good thing?  Aren’t relationships about being close and knowing one another?  But what about trust? Do we have to know not only where our significant others are at any moment of the day or night, but also what they are doing, and with whom?  I have seen parents of toddlers who know less about what their child is doing than the connected spouse or boyfriend.

The sad thing is that now that this “big brother” (or boyfriend or girlfriend) mentality has permeated our psyches and our relationships, if you do ask for a little time out or space, it must mean that there is something wrong with the relationship.

Will this change once the novelty of interconnectedness and social networking has worn off? I believe and hope so.  Mobile phones with GPS locators, Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin and the rest are probably with us for good, but I am already seeing many users disillusioned with the privacy violations of Facebook, and the traffic has already slowed.  No longer do I see every movement of my friends documented.  When it was all fresh and new, Facebook announced that my friend was shopping now, but after she got home and took a shower, she was going to Anybar, USA, then out to dinner, etc.  Now it is more like a cute picture being posted periodically, or an anecdote or recommendation once in a while.

I am old enough to remember when email was the hot new trend.  I knew a couple who announced what they were doing each weekend, if not each evening, what their vacation plans were, what movie they enjoyed or didn’t, ad nauseum.  They must have used up their aged brain cells on email, since they never caught up with the social networking bug, and needless to say, if I hear from them a few times a year now, it is a lot.

My bold prediction is that, despite the fact that recent technologies have had a major impact on how we interact with each other, the force of them will wane, and for the vast majority of people, these technologies will become one of the many tools we use to keep in touch with each other, not control each other.

There is still a few great things about having technology in a relationship. You can use a criminal background check and no someone’s history right off the bat. If it is good news, go for it, and if it’s bad news, you can break up using another form of technology: email.

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