Radical Acceptance is one of those books that hit me like a quiet punch in the chest.
I remember one night lying awake, running through a mental highlight reel of all the ways I had failed — the messages I hadn’t replied to, the work I hadn’t done, the things I had said wrong. It was like my brain was tuned to a single frequency: you are not enough.
That’s when I stumbled across Tara Brach’s idea of the “trance of unworthiness.” She describes it as the background hum that makes us constantly judge ourselves.
It’s not just insecurity — it’s a way of living where every move feels like proof we’re falling short. Reading about it felt like someone had been secretly taking notes on my inner monologue.
The Moment of Pause
One exercise from Radical Acceptance that stayed with me is deceptively simple: pause and name what’s here. The next time you feel that punch of self-criticism — “I’m lazy,” “I messed up,” “I don’t belong” — instead of fighting it, just pause.
Feel the tightness in your chest, the heat in your face, the slump in your posture. Name it gently: shame, fear, sadness.
I tried this one morning after oversleeping and immediately spiraling into “I ruin everything.” I paused, felt the knot in my stomach, and said, shame is here. Oddly enough, just naming it took away half its power.
Why This Works
Psychologists talk about something similar called affect labeling — the act of putting words to your feelings reduces their grip on your nervous system.
It moves you from being lost in the storm to watching the storm from the shore.
Radical Acceptance adds a second step: after naming, offer compassion. Even a small whisper — it’s okay, this is hard, but I’m here — shifts the entire experience.
Living Without the Trance
The keyword here isn’t perfection, it’s presence. Radical Acceptance doesn’t mean you stop growing or improving. It means you stop believing that being harsh to yourself is the only fuel you have.
Since practicing this, I’ve noticed I actually get more done. Not because I’ve become super disciplined overnight, but because I’m not wasting hours fighting myself.
If the idea of being “enough” has ever felt impossible, Radical Acceptance offers something practical, not fluffy: a way to live outside the trance of unworthiness.
And it starts small. Next time you catch yourself in self-attack mode, pause. Name what’s there.
And see if you can add just a drop of kindness. That tiny shift can be the doorway to freedom.
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